| The risk to remain tight in a bud is greater than the risk it takes to blossom. |
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No matter where you are...
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| I EFFING LOVE BEN HARPER |
[30 Jun 2008|09:26pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Ben Harper - When It's Good |
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You're a prison I can't escape
You're a decision I never make
Heard me laughing
You heard me weep and moan
When it's good, it's so so good
When it's gone, it's gone
They say time will kill the pain
I say pain is gonna kill my time
Lord won't you save me
Or leave me alone
When it's good, it's so so good
When it's gone, it's gone
I hang your picture above my mind
Don't do anything you can't deny
I could never be your pawn
When it's good, it's good
When it's gone, it's gone
Some drink to remember
Some to forget
Some for satisfaction
Some to regret
I hope a brighter day to you I've shown
When it's good, it's so so good
When it's gone, it's gone
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[23 Jun 2008|08:52pm] |
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lonely |
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Dude,
I totally miss you.
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[21 Jan 2007|09:10am] |
well this weekend has been eventful in a kind of uneventful way... i didn't see a whole lot of action because i'm still not feeling 100%. my stomach is still a little ick.
i guess i now have fewer friends than i thought... which doesn't really bother me because there are enough GOOD people in my life who are WORTH my time that the people i lost don't phase me anymore. i tried my best to salvage it but i refuse to sink to the level of a child and i refuse to apologize for who i am. if i did something wrong i'd have apologized sincerely but it's not me. it's them this time.
then i had a scary dream that krieger died because i was trying to get in contact with him recently and couldn't get ahold of him... then i noticed his myspace blog said he got kicked out of his place. i didn't know if that meant for a night or by the landlord or what. i think that was the last thing i worried about before i fell asleep so maybe my brain was trying to scare me.
yesterday i stopped at my house to look for a textbook i thought i had left there and my mom was dressed all nice in this awesome outfit. she said she had to go to some hispanic convention for work and proceeded to ask me if her outifit had too much cleave. i laughed and told her the outfit was hot AND classy and that she has nothing to worry about if she's going to a hispanic convention. she'll have the least cleave there. at first she looked offended then i think she mentally agreed with my un-pc humor and laughed. it was a fun reaction.
then i found out that jupiter died sometime between friday night and yesterday morning. i felt kind of sad... mostly for mom because she bonded with the bird more than any of us did. i guess he was perfectly fine and then yesterday morning when mom took the blanket off the cage to feed him he was face down at the bottom of the cage stiff and dead. i asked dad if mom cried and he said yea. i felt bad. poor mommy. i've noticed that birds do tend to die randomly without warning. it happens to most people i know who have had pet birds of any kind.
*sigh*
i was supposed to go to a house party at linda's last night but i just wasn't feeling up to it yet and i wasn't that disappointed because i'll be drinking legally by next weekend. it kinda sucks that i got my phase where i actually thought drinking was fun out of my system already. i mean... i'll still have a few drinks but getting drunk isn't my bag anymore... my body thanks me for that... and hates me for many other reasons that aparently it's not over yet.
chasco and i got our hair chopped yesterday. he needed it more than i did but i was annoyed with the length of my hair... i couldn't do anything with it. my hair is shorter than it's ever been. it's pretty much gone. short all around. i'll post pics later.
chasco's hair looks hott. it's all short in the back and sides and he has some burns still cuz he looks good with them. its longer and kinda messy styled in the front enough to cover his forehead and still have some hair to play with. it's a good style for him. makes him look older.
i just woke up so me rolling around on my head mixed with all the product in it from yesterday makes me look like a dude. its amusing. most people would be scared to get this much hair chopped off but i feel so free now.
skullduggery.
the end.
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| ugh |
[10 Jan 2007|10:16am] |
it just gets worse and worse...
and there's no one here to comfort my pathetic ass.
walk-in days suck. people are always in here waiting and staring at me very impatiently.
ines's schedule said she's on vacation starting tomorrow and that she has walk-ins today. wrong. she's not even here! she's on vacation now. so people signed up for her and then someone finally told me she's gone and i had to switch them over to other advisors who were very grouchy about it.
then frank made me look bad. he told me he wouldn't see anyone for ines when i asked and he was all snappy about it so i told the people waiting they'd have to come back next week. then frank must have overheard me and not wanted to look like the bad guy so he came out and helped. then i probably looked like an ass for turning them away.
ugh. piss.
rosie and greg are in bad moods too because they're stuck in back filing still.
i want to jump out the fucking window.
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| copycat |
[30 Nov 2006|05:25pm] |
| You Are 62% Evil | 
You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot. |
| You are Agnostic | 
You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.
For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.
You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.
And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you. |
| Your 2005 Song Is | 
Mr. Brightside by The Killers
"It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"
Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005! |
| Never Date a Virgo | 
Demanding, picky, and a total perfectionist - there's no way you want to live up to Virgo's standards.
It's not that you couldn't please a Virgo... you would just hate yourself for doing it.
Instead try dating: Libra, Leo, Aquarius, or Aries |
haha... aries. chasco.
| Your Personality Is Like Ecstasy | 
You're usually feeling the love for the world around you - you want to hug everyone.
And while you're usually content to sit back and view the world with wonder...
Sometimes you're world becomes very overwhelming and a little scary. |
| Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence | 
You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks.
You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent.
An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer.
Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best.
You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer. |
| You Are Overweight | 
Your BMI is 33.2 - a healthy BMI falls between 18.5 and 25
You are considered obese, and for your health, you should lose some weight.
Your BMI puts you at a higher risk for type 2 diabetes, heart disease, certain cancers, and joint problems.
Don't starve yourself or crash diet. See a doctor to learn how to lose weight safely.
Don't agree? Blame the government standards we based this test on! |
| What Your Underwear Says About You | 
You enjoy wearing nice underwear, even if it comes at a hefty price tag.
You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone. |
| You Are 26 Years Old | 
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
| Your Linguistic Profile: | | 65% General American English | | 20% Upper Midwestern | | 5% Midwestern | | 5% Yankee | | 0% Dixie |
| You Are Cookie Monster | 
Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth.
You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around.
You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking
How you life your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!" |
| You Are 28% Sociopath | 
From time to time, you may be a bit troubled and a bit too charming for your own good.
It's likely that you're not a sociopath... just quite smart and a bit out of the mainstream! |
| You Passed 8th Grade Spanish | 
Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct! |
| On Average, You Would Sell Out For | 
$1,071,814 |
| Your Vocabulary Score: B | 
You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying.
Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated! |
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[29 Nov 2006|06:19pm] |
| You Are 44% Democrat | 
You aren't a full fledged Democrat yet, but it's likely the party that fits you best.
You probably consider yourself an independent Democrat. You usually support the party, but you also think for yourself! |
| You Are 12% Republican | 
If you have anything in common with the Republican party, it's by sheer chance.
You're a staunch liberal, and nothing is going to change that! |
| Your Brain's Pattern | 
Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.
You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.
You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.
And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be. |
| You Passed 8th Grade Science | 
Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct! |
| You Are 16% Nerdy | 
You are definitely not nerdy - in fact, you probably don't know any nerds.
You probably care a little too much about your image. No one will know if you secretly watch Star Trek reruns! |
| You Are From Mercury | 
You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.
You probably never leave home without your cell phone!
You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.
You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.
Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything. |
| You've Experienced 60% of Life | 
You have a good deal of life experience, about as much as someone in their late 20s.
You've seen and done enough to be quite wise, but you still have a lot of life to look forward to. |
| Your Life is 65% Perfect | 
Your life is pretty darn perfect. You don't have much to complain about.
Of course, your life is occasionally less than perfect. But you're usually too happy to notice. |
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[06 Jul 2006|11:00am] |
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mood |
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 dead |
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i've decided to quit life.
for now.
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[26 Apr 2006|05:00pm] |
| You Are More Mild Than Wild | 
You're confident, and you really aren't concerned with how "hot" you are.
Other people's ideas of what's sexy don't concern you. And this is exactly what makes you attractive. |
| You Are Midnight | 
You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends. |
| You Have Low Self Esteem 56% of the Time | 
While you sometimes feel good about yourself, you tend to struggle a little with self esteem issues.
It's not about changing who you are, it's about accepting your faults. You just need to be less critical and demanding of yourself! |
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| not this shit again... |
[05 Oct 2005|09:52pm] |
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mood |
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now this is happening...
FRIENDS ONLY!!!
that's right.
PRIVACY minus infringement.
i can be me
and only the people that MATTER can see.
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[30 Sep 2005|02:27pm] |
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music |
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anna nalick - in the rough |
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"jesus is a pretty cool guy but his fan club sucks." - best chasco quote ever
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lynnseylue/2704.html
this is why people are ditching christianity. idiots.
sorry jesus... they ruined you.
in other news... i've lost 2 lbs so far. it's not as bad as i thought it would be... except for that first day after i overexcersized and i was broken. but i think i'll be fine.
i hope that's what the 2 lbs was from... and not from all of the crapping i did last night when i was sick from that gross wrap thing i had for lunch mixed with built up anxiety stomach syndrome (ASS) haha. makes sense.
i've been wearing one of those belts that's like a giant braided thing because for the longest time i kept changing sizes (usually bigger) and i didn't fit in my old belts with holes. i'm proud to say that i've been wearing my belt a little tighter lately to keep my fat people pants on. i haven't lost a huge notiveable amount of weight yet... or gone down any pants sizes... but it's only been a week. i'm confident i can do it. once i start fitting into some of my old belts and my goal size pants that i saved i'll pee with joy.
-Allison
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| fanny bandits |
[29 Sep 2005|10:50pm] |
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wow. everyone in 1955 was on fire. i never knew that.
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| experiment... i like to write stuff writing stuff is fun |
[29 Sep 2005|07:36pm] |
RULE OF THIRDS
1.
I remember with my eyes
what I see with my mind
They say a picture is worth a thousand words
At a $dollar$ a word
I’d promise you that
But I’ve learned through the (lens)
that a word is worth a thousand pictures
or more
If you hear it right
Don’t take my word for it
I make my living [imprisoning light in a box]
Capturing your precious memories
and holding them for ransom
I’m not ashamed of it
Think about it
I have the power
to keep a single moment
forever
to give people the ability
to relive
.Vividly.
.Timelessly.
.Instantly.
I can .stop. time
put it on paper
and hand it to you.
I put a price on the priceless
I live off the personal moments of others
But they choose to purchase
moments they live for free
I don’t force them
Deep down they must know
the value
of owning a piece of history
That fraction of a second no one else can claim
If they didn’t
They would not put it on a pedestal for all to see
Preserve it behind glass [inside of a frame]
or in a hand-me-down book with their family’s name
2.
Many fail to realize what makes
the memories I make for them
seem so real
so pure
so reflective
so true
The perfect moment is made of so much more than
The timing
lighting
angle
skill
or even the rule of thirds
It’s the little things
A laugh line
a 0o.dimple.o0
a shadow
a free-flowing strand of hair
all coming together
all constantly in motion
all .standing . still.
In that instant alone
is [captured]
a perfect memory
My job is truly done
when what I’ve taken from the world
transcends time.
A mother holding her infant child becomes
love
within the mother’s eyes,
innocence
behind the child’s gaping, toothless smile,
deep, nurturing instinct
in the mother’s fingers gently caressing her baby’s cheek
the beauty of new life
glistening through the infant’s wide eyes…
and in this way
an image
is made worthy of meaning
beyond words
So much can be said through a picture
why
waste
words?
Although
I often find myself
wasting
Give me one word
pictures fill my mind
“Mother”
Lips touching a baby’s cheek
the changing of a diaper
a little hand wrapped around a big finger
an old woman’s wrinkly hands
the hand that tucks the children in
a goodnight *.kiss.*
It never ceases to amaze me
the way a moment can be defined infinitely
yet {contained} in the simplest of gestures.
3.
I think I’ve always known
deep down
This is where I’m meant to be
I always remember my dreams
I dream with all my senses
I often find myself believing
that my dream world is more real
Maybe I do what I do
to make real life
as memorable as my dreams
It’s my way of cheating
reminding myself
not to forget
I am a photographer.
i wish you could see all the effects on the words that you can see in microsoft word but i'm shitty at the whole html thing so if you wanna see the real thing i'll send it to u in a word document over aim or something... or email it to you. word.
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[28 Sep 2005|08:57pm] |
i don't need to repeat something i'd like to forget.
it replays in my mind over and over again
if i don't distance myself from it for a while.
i didn't get what i deserved for a long time.
but i lied to myself.
i didn't even know that's what i was doing.
i let it slide.
it took something big to make me realize it.
slap me in the face with reality.
red light.
but despite what you may think
i didn't give up...
i still haven't.
i never will.
the only change i've made is with me.
i notice things now.
i want to turn it off.
i want to go back... but at the same time... i don't.
i like myself better now.
i've learned.
i just need time to teach me one more lesson...
and when i get there,
you'll know.
it may be selfish...
but i get my turn playing that role too.
i'm just being careful.
i'll speak my mind fully when i'm ready
believe you me
sometimes it's unhealthy
to approach things at the wrong time
when they are still too fresh
and it can end up doing more harm than good
and fuck
harm is bad
and i'm not ready
psychology is bullshit
so if u care as much as i do
wait for me
as i always have
despite dissappointment after dissppointment
and all the bumps in the road along the way
i will not ignore you.
approach me.
there's no hate
no wall.
ask me questions
i'll answer.
as long as you come in person
with a clear mind
an open mind
and open ears.
no assumptions
no accusations
no game face
no guard up
maybe this is a test. for both of us.
the honest truth is...
i hurt right now. a lot. i've been hiding from it. deflecting it by projecting it as defensiveness.
i miss things.
i didn't choose for things to turn out this way.
i'm just having a trouble coping with some truths that have been brought to my attention after being overlooked for years.
i wish i could really forget. for real.
and not just pretend to and have things be all "good" again.
i don't want fake.
so i've been avoidant instead. which is wrong. but convenient.
you know what...
fuck convenience.
no fronts...
from either side.
if everything is out in the open
and no one dies
physically or emotionally
this will be fixed.
other terms of service may include (but are not limited to)
-no peanut gallery present or involved in any way
-no overdramatized internets blah crap henchforth (and forsooth in the words of crazy grandpa)
-no interrupting
-listen... the real kind... not the kind where you hold on to one thing said that hit a particularly bad note to argue about later
-no more secrets
take it away coldplay...
yes... i have theme music.
"i started looking for a warning sign... when the truth is... i miss you... i miss you so..."
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| a spark? |
[28 Sep 2005|11:17am] |
hmm...
psychic abilities?
lately i've been thinking about things right before they happen... it's already happened twice today.
i'm cool.
shh.
let's pretend.
speaking of pretend...
i'm avoiding things i really shouldn't be but i don't want to deal with them because i know i'll only stress out more if the shit officially hits the fan... again?
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[27 Sep 2005|08:45pm] |
so... a freakish thing happened to me today.
i'm on the bus, bored as fuck...
my phone beeps.
a message. i thought it would be something fun from lynnsey or something...
boy was i in for a shock.
it's some number i've never seen, not in my phone book, nothing.
i'll copy the exact words for ya (phone number and all so go ahead and harass the creep if you want).
Fr: 262-424-2312
I wish we were in bed together right now lying naked fooling around with each other just the thought makes me hard just wanted you to no
Tony
now... i get irritated with things like people switching no and know around, and crazy run-ons. but whoever this message was meant to go to probably wouldn't have been the least bit aroused. in fact... he's probably lucky it went to the wrong person because he'd have lost any shred of hope of getting some if the object of his affections had recieved this annoying/disturbing message.
i felt like embarassing this loser. let's face it... i had nothing better to do on the bus.
here's how the convo ended up going... copying word for word straight from my phone...
me: who the hell is this?
him: Anthony who is this
him: is this erics ex jenny or an i way off the map
me: allison. i don't know an anthony. why did u send me a dirty msg?
*he calls my phone and apologizes for the misunderstanding, i think it's at least somewhat noble that a guy would take responsibility for the embarassing ordeal and i say it's okay and he hangs up*
i think the ordeal is over from there but then... another beep.
him: could i ask how old are you
so i start trying to get to the bottom of this shit.
me: u r going to answer my questions first. how did u get my #?? i don't know u.
me: and eric who?
him: i think this may be my friends old # she may have changed it recently
him: she was one of my other friends ex girls
me: well im not her and i have had this phone for a year so it couldnt have been recently changed
him: sorry about the confusion can i ask you one thing though did you at least like the dirty message
me: No. and who is this eric person you got my number from?
him: an old friend could you please tell me how old you are now
me: first i need the first and last name of this friend
him: jenny brahm will you answer now or is that still not enough
me: i don't know a jenny brahm but i didn't ask what the girl's name was. i meant your friend you got this # from.
him: how old are you
me: god. im 19 and im very taken. happy now?
him: that sucks because you sounde real cute making a judgement over the phone
me: ...
him: i an serious but he you foot want to agree that is find
(i have no idea what he meant by that btw)
me: u don't know me. u just tried 2 phone bone me thinking i was someone else.
him: that is harsh but quite damn hilarious ill give you points for that one that was good
then my sarcasm kicked in too intensely for him and he shut up...
me: well im glad im so friggin entertaining that u keep feeling the need to continue messaging me.
the messaging ceased henchforth.
i win.
that was the weirdest fucking thing that ever happened to me. well... not really... cuz all the weird stuff has been happening to me lately with people randomly approaching me in public places... RIGHT MANDIE??! lol. now it's happening on the phone too!
WTF?!
the world stalks me sometimes.
at least i get to piss some people off for my own amusement in the process.
oh... and chasco... today in creative writing i had to write a eulogy for my own funeral as someone else and i wrote it as you. i'll show you tomorrow. it's hilarious.
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happyinmypants's journal
